Neal Carey has to keep the mob, the FBI, and a major television personality from killing his newest client—but he's tempted to do the job himself.

Sometime student and ever-reluctant detective Neal Carey would rather be finishing a dull doctoral thesis than staring down the nose of a loaded gun—but his new assignment doesn't sound dangerous. All he has to do is pull off the ultimate makeover: turn Polly Paget—a gum-chewing, foul-mouthed, big-haired broad—into a perfect lady in time to testify in a rape case against Jack Landis, head of the Family Cable Network and America's most beloved family man. But Polly isn't cooperating, and everyone—including a former FBI agent, an obsessive-compulsive hit man, the Mafia, a porn prince, and a slew of tabloid reporters—is on her trail, turning Neal's "simple" assignment into a deadly game of duck-duck-goose.

In a hellish and hilarious escapade that takes him from the deserts of Nevada to the bright lights of Las Vegas and finally to a hair-raising climax in a shoddily built amusement park, Neal tries to escape the mob's big guns while taking a slippery walk up the world's biggest water slide.