By Mark Twain
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Five speeches by the master at making them interesting and witty.
Theoretical Morals (1899): "A man can't become morally perfect by stealing one or a thousand green watermelons, but every little helps."
The Alphabet and Simplified Spelling (1907): "Simplified spelling is all right, but, like chastity, you can take it too far."
Education and Citizenship (1908): "Now I want to tell a story about jumping to conclusions. It was told to me by Bram Stoker and it concerns a christening."
Layman's Sermon (1906): "Now I am not modest. I was born modest, but it didn't last."
University Settlement Society (1901): "Marvelous it is, to think of schools where you don't have to drive the children in, but drive them out! It was not so in my day."